The Ultimate Guide to Not Giving a Damn: What Marcus Aurelius Can Teach Us About Self-Confidence
Do you ever feel stressed out by the opinions and judgments of others? Do you worry too much about what people think of you, your choices, or your actions? Do you let the fear of rejection or criticism hold you back from living your life the way you want?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are not alone. Many people struggle with low self-esteem, anxiety, or depression because they base their happiness and self-worth on the approval or disapproval of others. They may also compromise their authenticity or integrity in order to fit in or avoid conflict.
But what if I told you that there is a way to overcome these fears and insecurities, and achieve a more fulfilling and meaningful life? A way that has been tested and proven by one of the most powerful and respected leaders in history: Marcus Aurelius.
Who was Marcus Aurelius?
Marcus Aurelius was a Roman emperor and a Stoic philosopher who lived from 121 to 180 CE. He is widely regarded as one of the Five Good Emperors of Rome and as a symbol of the Golden Age of the Roman Empire. He is also known for his personal writings, called Meditations, which offer insights into his ethical and spiritual views.
One of the recurring themes in Meditations is the importance of not being affected by the opinions and judgments of others. Marcus Aurelius believed that the only thing that matters is to live according to one’s own reason and nature and to act virtuously and justly in every situation. He advised himself and his readers to ignore the praise or blame of the crowd and to focus on what is within their own power.
Why should we care what Marcus Aurelius said?
You may be wondering why we should listen to a man who lived almost 2000 years ago, in a very different time and culture. What relevance does his advice have for us today, especially in a world where social media and online platforms expose us to constant feedback and criticism from others?
The answer is simple: because his advice works. Marcus Aurelius was not just a philosopher who wrote abstract theories. He was a practical man who faced real challenges and difficulties in his life. He had to deal with wars, plagues, famines, rebellions, betrayals, personal losses, and political pressures. He had to balance his duties as an emperor, a father, a husband, a friend, and a human being.
He wrote Meditations as a way to cope with these challenges and to remind himself of his principles and values. He did not write them for public consumption or fame. He wrote them for himself, as a personal diary or journal. He did not expect anyone else to read them or follow them.
But we are lucky that his writings survived and were preserved by history. Because they contain timeless wisdom that can help us live better lives today. They can help us develop a more rational and realistic perspective on ourselves and the world around us. They can help us cultivate a sense of inner peace and confidence that does not depend on external factors. They can help us act according to our own values and conscience, rather than according to the expectations or demands of others.
How can we use Marcus Aurelius’s advice?
Marcus Aurelius’s advice is not complicated or difficult to understand. It is simple and straightforward, but powerful and effective. Here are some of his quotes on how to stop caring what people think of you, along with some practical tips on how to apply them in your daily life:
“It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own.”
This quote reminds us that we often value other people’s opinions more than our own, even though we know ourselves better than anyone else. We let other people’s opinions influence our decisions, our actions, our emotions, and our self-image.
But why should we care so much about what other people think of us? Do they know us better than we do? Do they have our best interests at heart? Do they have the authority or expertise to judge us? Do they have perfect lives themselves?
The answer is no. Other people’s opinions are often fickle, biased, or ignorant. They do not reflect the true value or worth of a person. They are based on superficial impressions, incomplete information, or personal preferences.
So how can we stop caring so much about what other people think of us? The first step is to recognize that we have the power to choose how we react to other people’s opinions. We can either let them affect us negatively, or we can ignore them and focus on our own opinions.
The second step is to develop a positive and realistic self-image. We can do this by focusing on our strengths, achievements, and goals, rather than on our flaws, failures, and fears. We can also practice gratitude and self-compassion, and celebrate our progress and growth.
The third step is to surround ourselves with supportive and encouraging people who accept us for who we are and do not make us feel judged. We can also limit our exposure to toxic or negative people who bring us down or make us doubt ourselves.
“The tranquility that comes when you stop caring what they say. Or think, or do. Only what you do.”
This quote reminds us that we can achieve a state of inner peace and calmness when we stop caring about what other people say, think, or do. We can only control our own thoughts and actions, not those of others. We can only be responsible for our own choices, not those of others.
When we focus on what we do, rather than on what others do, we can live more authentically and purposefully. We can act according to our own values and principles, rather than according to the expectations or demands of others. We can also avoid unnecessary stress and conflict that comes from trying to please or impress others.
So how can we stop caring about what other people say, think, or do? The first step is to identify what is within our control and what is not. We can use the Stoic technique of the dichotomy of control to distinguish between the things that depend on us and the things that do not.
The second step is to focus on the things that depend on us and let go of the things that do not. We can use the Stoic technique of the reserve clause to add a condition to our goals and desires. For example, instead of saying “I want to get a promotion”, we can say “I want to get a promotion, if it is up to me”.
The third step is to practice detachment and indifference towards the things that do not depend on us. We can use the Stoic technique of the view from above to gain a broader perspective on our situation and realize how insignificant and temporary most things are.
“How much time he saves who does not look to see what his neighbor says or does or thinks, but only at what he does himself, to make it just and holy.”
This quote reminds us that we can save a lot of time and energy when we stop looking at what other people say, do, or think. We often waste our precious resources by comparing ourselves to others, gossiping about others, or trying to influence others.
But why should we spend so much time and energy on other people’s lives, when we have our own lives to live? Why should we let other people’s actions or words distract us from our own goals and priorities? Why should we let other people’s thoughts or opinions dictate our own happiness or self-worth?
Instead of looking at what other people say, do, or think, we should look at what we do ourselves. We should focus on making our actions just and holy, meaning virtuous and aligned with our nature. We should strive to do the right thing in every situation, regardless of what others may think or say.
So how can we stop looking at what other people say, do, or think? The first step is to recognize that other people’s lives are none of our business. We have no right or obligation to interfere with their choices or judge their actions. We have no need or benefit to compare ourselves to them or compete with them.
The second step is to mind our own business. We should focus on our own affairs and responsibilities, and avoid meddling with those of others. We should also avoid gossiping or spreading rumors about others, as this only harms ourselves and others.
The third step is to make our own business just and holy. We should act with integrity and honesty in everything we do. We should also act with kindness and generosity towards others, without expecting anything in return.
“You have power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”
This quote reminds us that we have the power to shape our own reality by controlling our minds. We cannot control what happens outside of us, but we can control how we interpret and respond to it. We can choose to see things positively or negatively, to react emotionally or rationally, to give up or persevere.
When we realize that we have this power, we will find the strength and courage to face any challenge or adversity. We will also find peace and happiness within ourselves, regardless of the circumstances. We will not let external events or opinions affect our inner state or well-being.
So how can we realize that we have this power? The first step is to acknowledge that we are not our thoughts or emotions. We are the observer of our thoughts and emotions, and we can choose to accept them or change them. We can use the Stoic technique of cognitive distancing to separate ourselves from our negative or irrational thoughts and emotions.
The second step is to challenge and replace our negative or irrational thoughts and emotions with positive or rational ones. We can use the Stoic technique of cognitive reframing to change our perspective on a situation and find a more constructive or beneficial way to look at it.
The third step is to practice mindfulness and meditation to calm our minds and increase our awareness. We can use the Stoic technique of self-examination to reflect on our thoughts and actions and learn from them. We can also use the Stoic technique of the premeditation of evils to prepare ourselves for possible difficulties and setbacks.
Conclusion
Marcus Aurelius was a remarkable leader and thinker who taught us how to live with wisdom and dignity. His advice to stop caring what people think of us is a valuable lesson that can help us overcome our fears and insecurities, and achieve a more fulfilling and meaningful life.
If you want to learn more about Marcus Aurelius and his Stoic philosophy, I recommend reading his Meditations, which you can find online for free here. You can also check out some of these books that explain his teachings in a modern and accessible way:
- How to Think Like a Roman Emperor: The Stoic Philosophy of Marcus Aurelius by Donald Robertson
- The Inner Citadel: The Meditations of Marcus Aurelius by Pierre Hadot
- The Practicing Stoic: A Philosophical User’s Manual by Ward Farnsworth
I hope you enjoyed this and found it useful. If you did, please share it with your friends and family who might benefit from it. And don’t forget to subscribe to my newsletter for more tips and insights on how to live a better life.
Thank you for reading, and remember: You have power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.
