Have you ever wondered how to make someone like you more? You might think that the best way to do that is to do something nice for them, such as giving them a gift or a compliment. But what if I told you that there is a psychological trick that can make someone like you more by doing the opposite: asking them for a favor?
This trick is called the Ben Franklin effect, and it is based on a cognitive bias that causes people to like someone more after they do that person a favor, especially if they previously disliked that person or felt neutral toward them.
The name of this effect comes from a story that appears in the autobiography of Benjamin Franklin, a renowned scientist and politician. In the story, Franklin describes how he dealt with the animosity of a rival legislator. After hearing that his rival has a rare book in his library, Franklin wrote to his rival and asked whether he could borrow the book for a few days. The rival agreed, and a week later Franklin returned the book, with a letter expressing how much he liked it. The next time the two met, Franklin’s rival spoke to him with great civility and showed a willingness to help him in other matters, leading the two men to become good friends.
But how does this effect work? The main explanation is based on the concept of cognitive dissonance, which is the mental discomfort that people experience when they hold two contradictory beliefs or attitudes. For example, if you believe that you are a good person, but you do something bad, you will feel uneasy and try to justify your behavior or change your belief.
In the case of the Ben Franklin effect, when you do someone a favor, you might experience cognitive dissonance if you don’t like that person or feel indifferent toward them. After all, why would you help someone who you don’t care about or who you dislike? To resolve this dissonance, you might rationalize your behavior by changing your attitude toward that person: you must like them more than you thought, otherwise, you wouldn’t have helped them.
This effect has been demonstrated by various experiments in psychology. For example, in one study, participants were tasked with solving a series of puzzles next to someone who they thought was also a participant in the experiment, but who was in fact working for the researchers. This partner asked some of the participants for help in solving a puzzle, and those who were asked for help, which they all agreed to provide, later displayed the Ben Franklin effect, by expressing more positive feelings toward their partner than participants who were not asked for help.
Another example of this effect appears in a study where participants took part in a cognitive task that allowed them to earn some money. After completing the task, the person running the experiment, who had a slightly unlikable demeanor, asked some of the participants if they could do him a personal favor, and return the money that they earned, which most of them agreed to do. Those who returned the money later rated the experimenter more favorably than those who kept it or those who were not asked at all.
So how can you use this effect to your advantage? Here are some tips:
- Ask for small favors that are easy and convenient for the other person to do. For example, ask them to lend you a pen, a book, or some advice.
- Don’t ask for favors too often or too big, as this might backfire and make the other person feel exploited or annoyed.
- Express gratitude and appreciation when the other person does you a favor. For example, thank them sincerely and tell them how much their help means to you.
- Return the favor when you have an opportunity. This will show that you are not taking advantage of them and that you value their kindness.
- Be careful not to use this effect in a manipulative or unethical way. Don’t ask for favors from people who are vulnerable or in need of help themselves. Don’t ask for favors that are harmful or illegal. Don’t ask for favors that go against the other person’s values or interests.
The Ben Franklin effect is a powerful psychological phenomenon that can help you improve your relationships with others by asking them for favors. By doing so, you can make them like you more and create a positive cycle of mutual support and cooperation.
