Do you feel like you have no say in your own life? Do you feel like someone else is always making decisions for you, telling you what to do, or criticizing you? Do you feel like you can’t be yourself or express your opinions without fear of consequences?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may be in a controlling relationship. A controlling relationship is one where one person tries to dominate or manipulate another person through various tactics. These tactics can include:
- Criticism: They constantly put you down, point out your flaws, or make fun of you.
- Isolation: They keep you away from your friends, family, or other sources of support.
- Jealousy: They get angry or suspicious when you talk to or spend time with other people.
- Monitoring: They check your phone, email, social media, or whereabouts without your permission.
- Threats: They threaten to harm you, themselves, or someone else if you don’t do what they want.
- Violence: They hit, slap, push, or hurt you physically or sexually.
Controlling relationships can happen in any context, such as romantic, familial, platonic, or professional. They can affect anyone, regardless of age, gender, race, or socioeconomic status. They can have serious consequences for your mental and physical health, such as depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, substance abuse, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
If you think you are being controlled by someone else, here are some steps you can take to break free:
1. Recognize the signs of controlling behavior. The first step is to acknowledge that you are in a controlling relationship and that it is not healthy or normal. You are not to blame for the other person’s behavior; they are responsible for their own actions and choices. You have the right to be treated with respect and dignity.
2. Seek support from others. You are not alone; there are people who care about you and want to help you. Reach out to someone you trust, such as a friend, family member, counselor, or therapist. They can offer you emotional support, practical advice, or resources. You can also call a hotline or join a support group for people who have experienced controlling relationships.
3. Set boundaries and limit contact. You need to protect yourself from the other person’s influence and harm. You can do this by setting clear boundaries about what you will and won’t tolerate and communicating them assertively. You can also limit or cut off contact with the other person if possible or safe to do so. If you need to interact with them for work or other reasons, keep it brief and professional.
4. Reclaim your identity and autonomy. You are more than the other person’s puppet; you are a unique and valuable individual with your own thoughts, feelings, preferences, and goals. You can reclaim your identity and autonomy by doing things that make you happy and fulfilled, such as pursuing your hobbies, interests, passions, or dreams. You can also reconnect with your friends and family who respect and appreciate you for who you are.
Controlling relationships can be hard to escape from, but they are not impossible to overcome. You have the power and the right to take control of your own life and happiness. You deserve to be free from anyone who tries to control you.
